1. A honest person is someone you could play checkers with over the phone.
2. An idol of the mind is as offensive to God as an idol of the hand.
3. Excuse me, but I think my karma just ran over your dogma.
4. Gentleness corrects whatever is offensive in our manner.
5. Girls/Guys are like lava lamps: good to look at, but not very bright.
6. Harassing me about my smoking may be hazardous to your health!
7. I'd explain it to you, but your brain would explode.
8. I'm absolutely flattered.
9. I can't wait to see how you look when I'm naked.
10. I don't find offensive that I'm being labeled a babe by blokes.
11. I have PMS and a gun...now what were you saying?
12. I may be fat, but you're ugly, and I can diet.
13. I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
14. If I am what I eat then I am cheap, quick, and easy.
15. If your parents got divorced, would they still be brother and sister?
16. It's people like you who give scum a bad name.
17. May your life be like toilet paper - long and useful!
18. Men invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain.
19. More and more of our imports come from overseas...
20. Now I understand why some animals eat their young!
21. On the road of life, don't forget to stop and eat the roses.
22. Recommended for you: "Windows For Dummies."
23. Sarcasm: intellect on the offensive.
24. Your so ugly they put your picture on the airline sick bag.
25. The First Amendment was designed to protect offensive speech, 26. because nobody ever tries to ban the other kind.
27. There's too much blood in my caffeine system.
28. We are born naked, wet, and hungry. Then things get worse.
29. We are searching for rational reasons for believing in the absurd.
30. Why are wise men and wise guys opposites?