1. A drunken man's words are a sober man's thoughts.
2. A liar will not be believed, even when he speaks the truth.
3. Ambition is a poor excuse for not having sense enough to be lazy.
4. An idea is salvation by imagination.
5. Courage is the price that Life exacts for granting peace.
6. Dont steal, the government hates competition.
7. Eat healthy, exercise more, still die.
8. Eat the dish of revenge cold instead of hot.
9. Facts are the enemy of truth.
10. I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
11. I don’t Like The Drugs, But The Drugs Like Me.
12. I’ve lost my phone number, can I have yours?
13. If marriage is outlawed, only outlaws will have inlaws.
14. Intelligence could be instinct which has it at the wrong end.
15. Life's a bitch. Be its pimp.
16. Not me, not now, maybe later...
17. Nothing in life is so exhilarating as to be shot at without result.
18. Many would be cowards if they had courage enough.
19. Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
20. Quitting smoking is easy, I've done it a hundred times.
21. Reality Sucks! I’m Gonna Keep On Dreamin.
22. Save a tree, eat a beaver.
23. Short is the joy that guilty pleasure brings.
24. The easiest way to avoid a hangover is to just stay drunk.
25. The higher you are, the farther you fall.
26. The surest way to remain poor is to be honest.
27. The world belongs to the enthusiast who keeps cool.
28. There are no stupid questions, just stupid people.
29. Time is what keeps things from happening all at once.
30. What is arrogance? Thinking you can compete with me!
31. When cows laugh, does milk come out of their nose?
32. Why are our days numbered and not, say, lettered?
33. Why do we park on driveways and drive on parkways?